On Sunday, I reluctantly went to see American Sniper with my husband. I say reluctantly because I was afraid the movie would depress me and I really didn’t want to spend the energy cheering myself up. All the hoopla made me believe that there would be some major injustices or glorification of war depicted in the film, so I was surprised by what my psychotherapist mind did see in the movie…resilience.
First – I want to share that I was an “army wife” for five years while my husband served as an officer and Apache helicopter pilot at Ft. Hood, TX and Ft. Campbell, KY. After the movie we pretty much had the same take “That is what it is like, what is all the controversy? Don’t people know that war is not easy or simple?” He commented: “So many people don’t get it, they have no idea and don’t really want to know.” Neither of us felt that the movie had glorified war or uncovered some major injustice, because we were already well aware of the realities of war.
As I was watching the movie my clinical mind was churning as I noticed the variety of resilience levels in the characters. For example, you see the difference in how Chris and his brother react to being in country. As Chris returns for a third tour of duty, he is completely unable to relate to Jeff’s traumatized character desperate to leave Iraq after one tour, but he hugs him tells him he loves him, despite being puzzled by his broken appearance.
(The movie does a good job of allowing space for interpretation here. Patriots and warmongers might view Jeff as a “wimp” and pacifists can hold him up as a reason to avoid war. What I think it illustrated, brilliantly, is that not everyone has the same level of resilience. And the movie only illustrates this, it does not judge it.)
Resilience is the ability to become strong again after something bad happens. It appears that some people are born with more resilience than others, but it can be learned and even cultivated. Oddly having a life with no adversity will likely weaken your resilience. Just like anything else, resilience can be learned from practice. People who are compassionate also tend to be more resilient, likely because they are compassionate with themselves as they heal. The army has funded research into the effects of mindfulness practices to treat PTSD and stress, and there are good results. (Yes I'm plugging mindful living again!)
The character of Taya Kyle (while slightly underdeveloped) shows a kind of resilience that is unique. Her character demonstrated someone committed and willing to state the truth, but patient enough to wait for it to sink in. At times her pain and frustration were raw, and at other times she seemed independent and detached. The combination would be required of a military spouse, and we should all honor the lives they have chosen and endure. She embodies the idea that there are good times and bad times and we need to move through them with awareness.
Spoiler alert Skip the next 3 paragraphs if you have not seen the movie!
In the platoon we also see examples of varying degrees of resilience and uses of defense mechanisms to reduce trauma. As the Fourth tour begins, Tony is showing loss of emotional energy. Once again, Chris does not seem to be able to process this, as it is so foreign to his own commitment. He focuses on the mission and refuses to engage with Tony about burnout. Dauber puts on a brave face but he appears to know his days are numbered and maybe it is his own lack of will that kept him from surviving surgery.
Even Chris eventually hits his wall. While his resilience may have kept him alive in Iraq, the defense mechanisms he had to employ could not be easily turned off when he returned home. Jumping at every noise and being constantly on alert are exhausting for these returning soldiers. They survive by numbing their feelings. How do you let your family back in when you have no feelings?
The story of resilience does not end there. Even in his recovery, the movie shows Chris rebounding quite rapidly compared to many. And by all accounts his family has survived his death with grace and a determination to honor his life.
Are some people naturally more resilient than others? It would seem so, and maybe it is a combination of nurture and nature, but some people do bear trauma better than others. Does that mean some people are better than others? I would say, no, it means everyone is different and that we should all consider our ability to handle trauma when putting ourselves in the line of fire. We must take time to understand ourselves and make our contributions at a sustainable level for ourselves, not in comparison to others. (One can make an impact in a classroom teaching history to children who one day might become soldiers.)
Emergency responders, healthcare workers and police also experience high stress traumatizing jobs. Just as Chris could not relate to those who were broken by war, many cannot relate to those who do these dangerous jobs. My own husband (yes the Army Apache pilot) has looked at me after I share a bad day and said: “I could never do what you do.” And while a tough day at a psychiatric hospital is nothing to me, I don’t think I could have endured the training he had in the military. Maybe Taya sets a good example of offering a push and then being patient as our loved ones take time for self-care and re-engage the feelings they have shut down to do their jobs.
Chris was portrayed as a man who knew who he was, what was important to him and a willingness to serve others. He was not defensive or critical of others in the movie. Maybe this is the biggest lesson of the movie…know who you are and what is important and do it without comparison to others.
If Chris Kyle is a hero it is because he had compassion for others and a willingness to put his life on the line for what he believed in, not because of the number of lives he saved or kills he made.